Story A Day: Revelation" by Albert E. Cowdrey

Returning to my story a day project, I'm studying Albert E Cowdrey's Revelation in the October/November issue of Fantasy and Science Fiction. I can't say that I've read anything by Cowdrey before, which isn't surprising because I haven't read a lot of F&SF, which is the only magazine in which he has been published.

On first read, this story seems to break all the "rules" of writing that I've learned, yet the story works. Some of these "rules": POV switch mid-scene and never return to the opening POV, a story about writers, subplots in a short story, a POV charactar that mostly witnesses the events of the story, and it's almost a shaggy god ending. It also mentions F&SF and Gordon van Gelder, but given Cowdrey's publishing history, this is understandable. It also seems self-depreciating for F&SF, since it hints that a story written by one of the writers has a sophomoric ending, but F&SF might publish it anyway.

The characters are simple: One cynical creative writing professor, one drunk and cynical Freudian shrink, one black person who is lying about his roots, and one neurotic simpleton who doesn't get what creative writing is about, but he happens to know the truth.

I've broken the story up into nine scenes, based on scene breaks in the text, not by the hints the plot might provide, which is when I usually think of a scene break coming into play. The story opens in the point of view of the Freudian, who mentions that one of his patients thinks the world is an egg. Scene break. Now the Creative Writing professor's POV takes over for the rest of the story, though there's some omnipotent voice in some later scenes, the narrative follows the instructor.

There are two writing students, each with their own plot. One is wrapped us nicely, but it plays out in the other student's story, the prophetic one. The Freudian's sub plot doesn't seem to inform the story, but it gets that character out of the way when the crisis comes. As I said before, the narrator doesn't have much of a plot. He realizes a few things about himself, and he tries to act, but he doesn't really have the character arc that the "rules" say the main character should have.


Some things I learned from reading Revelation:

Time can pass

Time passes in stories (usually). One of my problems is trying to tell the whole story, to make the thing "real." I've written pages of stuff about what happens on some morning between important events because I felt that starting with "the next day..." was a cop out. This technique works. Days and weeks pass in scene breaks and even in the middle of one scene. They are summarized, but only to the point where the summary informs one sub plot.

Lesson: Move the narrative to the next point in time that it needs to get to without fuss.

Adverb-subject-verb structure is wierd

There are a couple of paragraphs that open "Involuntarily he raised his eyes..." and "Briefly he fantasized about having the two of them dipped in bronze...." This aren't choices I'd make. They're so rare in what I read that here they stand out like sore thumbs. It's all about voice, and that voice doesn't work for me. I wouldn't write it, and I wouldn't think it. Neither sentence uses these as introductory clauses, or as any other grammatical trick. They just are, and they read off to me.

Lesson: None, really, but voice is important, and consistency of voice is important unless the story calls for it.

Character descriptions can work to point to character...

...as long as the descriptions are concrete enough. "She looked in the mirror and ran a curling finger through her strawberry-blonde hair" doesn't tell me anything accept that this is a role for Darryl Hannah and not Angelina Jolie. Revelation uses character descriptions that tell us more about the two students than simply how they look. At the risk of breaking a copyright law:

One black guy displayed precise cornrows, a sculpted goatee, and little pale blue expensive-looking shades; he had a touch of the lean dark Malcolm X look, as if he'd started life as an AK-47. Farther down the scarred sminar table sat a white guy looking neat and earnest as a Mormon stockbroker. A Brooks Brother label was almost visible through the nubby cloth of his conservative jacketw and his well-scrubbed face shone limpidly fair, like and acolyte of some suburban preacher.

This works well, subtly hinting at the black student's façade, and is reinforced by referring to the character later as the AK-47. The second one is slightly misleading. It does a lot to point to the character of the person described, but "Mormon stockbroker" brings up very specific images of clean-cut, polite, neutral colors, etc. When we find out later on that this character is an ex-Catholic, I have to do some slight editing.

Lesson: Be concrete and emotional when describing one character from another character's POV

All in all, it's a good read. I studied the pacing, but I still have to go through it in more detail, since there are subplots being introduced and resolving throughout the piece.

"Perfect Freak" by E.N. Wilson (Ideomancer March 2006)

Do you ever read a story and wonder what, if anything, you got from the experience? "Perfect Freak" is one of those stories. It has no start, no middle, and no end. A story like this could go on forever. The story presents two people reacting to a world which is a logical extension of one of humanities current fads: pointless cosmentic surgery. They react in different ways, but there is no commentary from the writer aboutthe world; the reader is forced to draw their own conclusions. Some may say that this is the pinnacle of art: present something and let the viewers reaction be genuine and unforced, as opposed to presenting an opinion via one character and let the viewer react to that opinion.
The difficulty with such art is that it doesn't always invite me in. This piece didn't invite me, it just left the door open and relied on my curiosity to peek in and stick around. I did, and wonder why I bothered.

"Starbuck" by Robert Reed (F&SF, April 2006)

I love Baseball. I like Robert Reed. This was one of his more approachable stories. The idea behind the conflict is really cool. The best part about the idea that drives the story is that pitchers don't have to wait for robotic umpires and instantaneous steroid testing to implement it. There is no character arc. The protagonist is a pitcher deep in the ninth with no outs and the winning run at the plate. His closer is a shit, and injured, and the managers wants to pull him from the game. He has to dig deep, find whatever strength of will is in him, and get three outs. Good tension all the way through, even though for non-baseball fans the central problem of getting three outs is probably a "so what" issue. For a baseball fan, however, it is a great dilemna.

Week Three of Story a Day

Thank God I decided to update this once a week. It's much easier to keep track of this way.

Antieau, Kim, Storm Poet (Asimov's January 2006)

Odd coming of age story set in 1932. A boy hangs out with his 'crazy' uncle and revives a bit of fantasy in a life with too little dreams. Even though I had little to identify with this family, I was touched.

Comear, Joey, The Machine (Strange Horizons, 16 January 2006)

Two miracle researchers investigate the idea that a machine can store the location of every known particle in the world and recreate it. Ignoring the exponential impossibility of such a data structure without the logical loophole of not needing the machine to store everything, since it's all stored in the machine at one point as time flows by it would merely need to look at itself at a point in the past, the idea has a throwaway line about how the Christian Church would look if Jesus' life were firmly recorded. (I think it would be much better, actually, but that's me.) Comear plays with the idea well, but this really needs P.K. Dick to unravel.

McDonald, Sandra, A Lock of Ra (Lone Star Stories, December 2005)

The background story of war and apocalypse plays into the central plot. If this were a workshop story I'd ask if the war was relevant, but it is a bad question. The hint of the world falling apart comes into play at just the right time.

Gaiman, Neil, Chivalry (Smoke and Mirrors)

I know a lot of people who love Gaiman, but I'd never read him. I found a 14 tape recording of American Gods that I haven't started yet at a close-out, but thought I'd start with something smaller. I am imased at how casually a fantastic element is introduced into the story, and dealt with in a perfectly normal manner. Perhaps my own struggle with modern fantasy is that I don't treat it as casually as this, and contrast it to the ordinary dullness of life. Then again, maybe I do. I'll have to wait for feedback from my group.

Lee, Yoon Ha, Words Written in Fire (Shadows of Saturn, Aug/Sep 2005)

This story opens doors to a mystical form of arson. There just isn't enough here to satisfy me, for some reason. I wanted just a little bit more weird, but too much more would probably break the story. It's a balancing act, isn't it?

Mohan, Steven Jr., Whale Falls (Ideomancer, December 2005)

The lack of clear transitions to flashbacks makes the narrative a bit difficult to sort out on first read. The timing of flashbacks introduces the next major plot point in the story. With a smooth transition, this is a good example of how to do flashbacks that tell a story that takes place over a long period of time.

Pronzini, Bill, Possibilities (The Strand Magazine, October-January)

This is the kind of story I wished I had thought of, because it's exactly the kind of sick joke I would play on nosy neighbors. It managed to up the tension enough to make me wonder if the narrator had killed his wife and was lying about it to me.

More Stories...

Another week of a Story A Day, I've had some ups and downs. So, here's my week in review. I could have sworn there was another story this week, but there wasn't. I did read a 20,000 word story for my workshop, which may be why my count is off.

Bobet, Leah, The Girl With the Heart of Stone (Strange Horizons, Jan 9, 2006)

Odd fantasy story about a girl who grows up heartless, wins her heart, and doesn't adjust well. At least, that what she claims. I'm not sure she didn't adjust well to having a heart.

Carstairs, Neil, The Road Ahead (Byzarium, Dec 2005)

Humans are being transformed into creatures that fly and attack their own family members. This story did a good job of referring to a backstory in a way that made me question what was going on to find more information, not out of frustration.

McNew, Pam, Maggie's Christmas List (Lone Star Stories, December 2005)

This touching story-and I use the term loosely--is wonderful. It doesn't set out a narrative to follow, but examinez one event several ways. When it comes to evoking emotions, this is the gem of the week.

Niven, Larry, Playhouse (Analog, March 2006)

I think I've read other stories set in the Draco Tavern. (In fact, the Dec 2005 Analog has another Draco Tavern story in it.) Niven writes good aliens. He goes beyond humans-with-funny-foreheads. Unfortunately I didn't feel much tension reading the story.

Nordeen, Julie, Stone Pizza (Byzarium, October 2005)

Julie is a friend of mine, but I hadn't gotten around to reading her first published story yet, so I backtracked. As I read this I thought to myself, "I've read this before," and the first part reminded me of David Brin's The Postman, which isn't a bad thing. I love the book (and I'm one of the few who liked the movie) but the resemblance was so strong I read cautiously. Telling a story that I recognize is dangerously close to plagarism in my reading, so Julie switched to a different story, one that I recognized and enjoyed. This is a successful retelling of the tale, even though I didn't feel like there was a chance for things to go wrong.

Seate, Troy, Dancing With A Blind Girl (Another Realm, Jan 2006)

A boy finds happiness in global blindness. There are a lot of "as if" phrases throughout that get in the way every once in a while, and I'd like to see a little more detail of life after disaster.

A Week of Stories

After a week of a Story A Day, I've had some ups and downs. So, here's my week in review

Barnes, John, The Little White Nerves Went Last (Analog, Mar 2006)

What I liked about this was the realistic flashback to a characters childhood. The context before the flashback was kind of confusing, but the flashback cleared up a few things, and the flashback really needed the surrounding story. It's hard to tell a story with a five year old protagonist, but this one worked.

Catesby, Robin, The Happy Jumping Woman (Polyphony 5)

My life is so different than the protagonists (she's a young woman in a sweat shop (okay, I worked in a tech suppot sweat shop)) that I had a little difficulty getting to know her, but I believed her.

Cheyney, Sutton, Battlefield (Thunder Child, Jan 2006)

This 840 piece almost didn't coun't. I went along with it fine until I spotted typos. It reminded me of a piece that I wrote last summer.

Frederick, Carl, The Skeekit-Woogle Test (Analog, Mar 2006)

My pick of the wek, if that really meant anything, and even though I had a little trouble with the ending, I loved the story so much I have to remember to participate in Anlab.

Lanham, Carole, The Reading Lessons (Son and Foe 1.1)

What impressed me was the amount of the world I was able to build in my mind wihtout being told. My image of this story taking place in the early 20th century American South is probably way off base, but it worked. There was enough tension to keep me going. Even though most of the story is flashback, it's a deathbed flashback, so any close call could be the thing that sends the protagonist to the opening scene.

Lovett, Richard A, Dinosaur Blood (Analog Jan/Feb 2006)

This is why I read Analog. Good setup. I can hear the critique group complaining that opening a story with so much preview of the story is deadly, but I suppose that when you have name recognition at a market, you can afford to have a "bad beginning." Actually, I loved the opening. It had a cynical projection of the future that I appreciated.

Melton, Henry, Wildlife (Analog Mar 2006)

I wasn't impressed on first reading, but if I sit down and think about it, it had a pretty cool message. The alien life forms we may expect to meet are more frighteningly familiar than we'd suspect. Perhaps the story was too subtle for me. Perhaps I wasn't in the right frame of mind to read that story at that time.

There it is. Other folks talk about reading 50 novels a year, which is doable if I allow myself to count my old friends, novels that I have read already. I'm sticking with the short stories. If Jay Lake is right, I'll read plenty of really short novels by the end of the year.

Another peril of workshopping

I was thinking about a story I'm working on, and it reminded me of a previous story I wrote and one of the comments I got back several times. I had a character with an odd telepathic or empathic power (I was never sure) and I added a two or three paragraph hint as to how this happened. Why? Because I could just hear the voices of my workshop saying "How did he get these powers? Where did it come from?" Nobody liked my explanation, and nobody really wanted to know. They were happy to let it exist as is. I cut it from later drafts.
The story I should be working on right now (as I type this out) begs a similar question. Should I explain the origin of some wierd ability or gift of my main character? I don't think I will. I think explaining how the gift arrived is better left a mystery. I don't know if this means that as a writer I'm not pulling my weight, or if ti means that the origin of the ability just doesn't matter. (Naturally, that inspires a thought I'll have to explore later.) I suppose it doesn't really matter most of the time. All this really boils down to is a point I've made earlier: Don't write for your workshop. Most of the time.

Hmmm...

I lost yesterday's post. Oh well. I was discussing my new years resolution to read and critique a story per day. Daily devotions don't work well with me. I'll probably read a story a day, but I probably won't make public comments on them. If I do it will be here or at my new blog (http://www.livejournal.com/users/joshenglish/) which will probably take over this one. I love Blogger, but most of my writing friends are over there, so it's easier to build a community. Unless we can get an RSS aggregator on our groups web site and run it like Google Clips or Live Journal's Friends page.